Hilarioscopes with Lady Briley

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AQUARIUS ~ 1/20 - 2/18

You’re the type who wears shiny pants while waxing poetic about Descartes.

PISCES ~ 2/19 - 3/20

When the flame gets too hot, you can be found sautéed with two glasses of wine.

ARIES ~ 3/21 - 4/19

You love to binge-watch TV through other people's windows.

TAURUS ~ 4/20 - 5/20

You seek out gift horses and then punch them in the mouth.

GEMINI ~ 5/21 - 6/20

You will keep all of your secrets until Thursday.

CANCER ~ 6/21 - 7/22

You’re down with OPP and ADD! You know the rest.

LEO ~ 7/23 - 8/22

You don’t like to say “sorry,” but you will apologize for being right.

VIRGO ~ 8/23 - 9/23

You’re always ready to lend a hand, especially when finger food is around.

LIBRA ~ 9/24 - 10/22

You’re dedicated to preserving the Milly Rock on any block.

SCORPIO ~ 10/23 - 11/21

You dive into shallow water with scuba gear on looking for reasons.

SAGITTARIUS ~ 11/22 - 12/21

You borrow someone’s car and crash it, and then you never pay me—I mean them—back.

CAPRICORN ~ 12/22 - 1/19

You love to sing "I will survive!" backwards while moving forward.

For personal readings, send your date of birth and your favorite candy bar to Lady Briley.