Featured Writer: Sophia Chen
Porn...for Women!
The talented Sophia Chen shares why she thinks the term “porn for women” can be problematic as she explains the personalities of the different porn sites she has encountered.
Watching porn is completely normal for men. But for women? Nope. No surprise there, considering Western society can’t make up its mind on whether or not it approves of women wanting sex. Porn exists in the cultural consciousness as a product for male consumption, giving them a chance to experience their fantasies alone so we, the delicate flowers that we are, stay safe and pure. The term “porn for women” comes from a good, sex-positive place. Women masturbate, and women should get to watch porn too! Yes! Hooray! But “porn for women” is only helpful on the surface. When you start thinking about what that is, it starts to fall apart.
I do not like the term “for women.” PornHub has a “for women” category, which implies that there’s porn that’s not for women. A cursory glance at Pornhub’s Female Friendly Porn Videos gives the impression that it’s mostly girl-girl with soft lighting. The sex seems sweeter and gentler, and all the preview thumbnails show performers as people, not disembodied genitals. There’s a smattering of heterosexual clips, but the language is vastly different from what you find on the homepage: compare “Sensual Marina Visconti Rides His Hard Cock” to “College Euro Teen Analfucked and Sucking Dick.” Hey, maybe I prefer the latter. Does it make me a bad, deviant woman for enjoying videos of rough sex? Of course not. But, it was difficult to feel like there was nothing wrong with me for liking something that no one from my gender is supposed to enjoy. Even when I’m alone in my room, surfing the net in Incognito mode, I feel my sexuality being policed.
Talking about female masturbation was—and still is, I suppose—taboo. Female pleasure only stopped being a joke fairly recently. I don’t remember anyone talking about women enjoying sex when I was growing up or in sexual education classes. Sex is something that happens to us. Having a category of pornography specifically for women means that someone out there (probably a man, ugh) is deciding that this is what women like. And for women who are just exploring their sexuality and sexual preferences, they who don’t have people to talk to and resources for sexual education. These categories tell them what they should like instead of suggesting what’s out there.
You know what I think “porn for women” should be? Porn that doesn’t make you feel bad after you’ve watched it. Porn where you’re not worrying about the woman’s childhood upbringing and how she got to where she is now (while we’re at it, let’s get rid of the assumption that porn performers are damaged or selling themselves short. Sex work is work). It’s hard to feel that way about what you’re watching if your only sources are free sites like PornHub. Most of the content found there is stolen, pirated from porn companies, and chopped into clips. Watching someone get pounded for eight minutes straight is more appealing when you’ve seen the communication and foreplay that happens before that.
A friend asked me to recommend her some porn that wasn’t “scary,” porn that wasn’t violent and aggressive, porn where a woman expresses sexual agency, porn where the people involved are shown to communicate with each other. You know how to find porn that isn’t scary? Pay for your porn and watch it in its entirety. Kink.com is known for producing some really hardcore scenes, but every video contains an entrance interview where the performers involved talk about what they’re going to do in the scene and what their limits are, as well as an exit interview where they sit together and discuss how it went. Free websites typically cut out these sections in favor of focusing on the “action.” Ethical porn does exist, and you’re more likely to find something that you like from an indie company than you are from PornHub’s Brazzers channel. TrenchcoatX, Four Chambers Films, and Pink & White Productions are all good places to start—better yet, they’re all run by women! (This isn’t to say that porn made by women is inherently feminist or that only porn made by women can truly be “for women.”) Independent companies are better able to cater to the few instead of the many, which means you’ll see diversity in shape, size, race, and dynamic, rather than the same old “muscular white guy fucks a slim white woman” pairing. Give porn a chance and you might find something you really, really like.
Sophia Chen
Facebook: www.facebook.com/sophia185