Featured Writer: Venessa Peruda
Porn...for Women!
Actor, writer, and comedian Venessa Peruda can be found on FunnyOrDie.com. Here, she explains why she can also be found proudly watching porn.
There are two things I openly talk about: I go to therapy and I watch porn. I don’t think those two are necessarily connected. If anything, being in therapy gives me the confidence and insight to accept and love myself for who I am: a horny, nasty woman.
I think that a lot of women are put off by porn because of lingering Puritanical and American attitudes about sex. There is still a lot of shame and guilt imposed on women surrounding sex (compliments of the Patriarchy) and definitely surrounding porn. But I don’t subscribe to that nonsense. I’m a free-thinker, baby. I own my sexuality. I believe a lot of women are also turned off by watching porn because they feel sorry for the girls in the videos, and that’s not sexy—unless that’s what you’re into—and it can be distracting. But, I respect sex workers. I think prostitution should be legal. I believe the young women in porn are owning their sexuality as they see fit. And I don’t judge them, I applaud them. In more ways than one ;)
There is porn for women, but I don’t watch that crap. Personally, I find it pandering (pun intended) and boring AF. What’s with the music? Why is the music for men’s porn funky beats, but the music in “Female Friendly” is goddamn elevator music? I prefer to fall asleep after I come, not before, thanks. And why does it take forever to get things started? There’s way too much story in the beginning. I don’t have all night! I want to squirt ‘n sleep. I’m not trying to cut into my beauty rest. Let me put it this way, “Female Friendly” porn is a lot like vegan bacon. I’ll eat it. But I’m really going to miss the grease stains. ‘Cause you know you enjoyed yourself if there is a little mess afterwards, you know?
So, I watch “dude porn.” But there are plenty of strong female characters in there! For instance, I was watching a gang-bang type scenario one time because I’m secure in my sexuality. There was one woman and there were several dudes, and she was very busy. And this girl, in the middle of everything, stopped, looked one of the guys straight in the face, and said, “I know that I might not be acting like a lady, but I expect to be spoken to like one.”
BOOM.
This chick gets it! She’s secure in her sexuality, and she also knows when she feels that she isn’t being respected, and nips it in the balls. That’s what gets me off! I was like “YYYAAAAASSSS porn qween, you tell him”! I celebrate and masturbate about any woman who can manipulate multiple peni at once, monetize the Patriarchy, and still have the energy to serve up some feminist realness. I don’t know what gets you off, but for me, that’s the ultimate porn experience.
The things I don’t like about watching porn? One, all the ads I have to see that are obviously meant for men. Dick enhancement ads, fake message pop-ups from “Kelly” who’s “near me and DTF”, and bizarre fantasy creature or familiar cartoon porn. All of which just give me insight into just how sad, gross, and stupid men can be, and that doesn’t help me in actively trying to get off. Two, after I browse through two or three videos that don’t do it for me (it’s sort of like thrift store shopping, you’ve got to dig for the real treasures) the internet starts asking me for money! Excuse me, internet? But, I’m a chick. I don’t pay for drinks, and I certainly don’t pay to watch porn! You wouldn’t charge Gandhi for a yoga class, would you? There is no porn without women, bitches! This is why I think there should be an app for women to watch porn for free. You simply log in with scan of your clit, or answer some period trivia question, and you’re in! We’d call it PussyPass or Labia Log-in, or something punny. And as of right now, I’m looking for investors.
If I had any advice for an apprehensive Betty out there thinking about trying out porn, I’d say be safe and put a piece of tape over your device camera lens—those things work both ways—and then jump in! Are you going to let the boys have all the fun? Let go of your judgements about sex, yourself, and others, and get yours. Like a wise woman once said, “Only when you stop clutching your pearls can you enjoy seeing another woman get her necklace on.”
Me, I said that.
Venessa Peruda
Facebook: www.facebook.com/vperuda
Twitter: @Vspiz
Instagram: @Vspiz